God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
