No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
