i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
