Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
