i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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