okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
