Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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