Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
