My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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