She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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