What a fucking waste of an outfit
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
