Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
