I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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