stop calling my apartment porn island.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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