You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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