don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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