I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
