I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
