3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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