I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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