I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
