Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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