I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
