dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
