VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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