I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
