Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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