this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
