GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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