Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I could make wine with my vomit
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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