There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
