I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You smell like a Billy Joel song
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
