I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
