i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
