This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
