I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
