I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
