Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
so much tequila, so little girl.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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