It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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