according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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