If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
