WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
