So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
