Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
