The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
