yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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