There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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