I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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