I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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