my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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